I unhook straps. Ten seconds remain. Then, I’ll be buried in the tender gray.
I swim undisturbed above the sleeping enemy. Cloud coverage, my truest companion. Better than any bullet proof vest.
Seven seconds. We’re ordered to stand. I’m put off by the potpourri of men’s aftershave. Smells more like a family wedding than a platoon about to dive behind enemy lines.
“Protocol.” Sarg. stresses routines, though I’m doubtful many of us will make ground.
Four seconds. I grip my static line. Move towards the open door. Occasional artillery fire lights up the darkness with false stars. The pilot says we won’t get a second pass. He’s had to increase altitude.
Farther to fall means a longer time as targets. Greater odds I’ll be picked off by an alert patrolman.
Gravity will get me there, but not without the risk of endless repose.
© 2022 | K.Hartless
dVerse Prosery — On This Day: Happy December 5 Birthday Poets
Lisa is host for tonight’s 144 word challenge incorporating these lovely lines:
In the tender gray,
I swim undisturbed.
by Celia Dropkin,
from “Sullivan County”
Yard Sale of Thoughts 
Short and memorable story, K! Your terse and powerful lines makes it a vivid read 🙂
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Thank you, Tom. I’m glad those short sentences built suspense for you. I appreciate your comments.
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This verse bring to mind just the kind of agony these guys felt / feel when thy’re dropped into action.
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Thank you, Simon. I have a few relatives that went head first into combat. I am glad this piece may have captured a bit of their fear and bravery.
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I think you’ve done great… but what do I know? 🙂
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You pulled me into the scene with you, K. I wonder what the ratio was between jumps and landing alive vs. “endless repose.”
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Yes, I do as well. I have never jumped from a plane myself but have relatives that have spent quite a bit of time off the ground. I would like to think the ratio of survival is higher today.
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p.s. Also like how you used “the tender grey” to mean protective clouds ❤
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Thank you, Lisa. It was my first thought, so I had to channel those passed and hope to put some heart into it.
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You’re welcome ❤
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A brilliant, smooth inclusion, K; and right off the bat! Not to mention the tale, which is perfectly crafted & had me counting seconds along with the trooper. Well done.
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Thank you, Ron. Something about 144 words that makes me get real intense over here. I’m so pleased you enjoyed this flash. Cheers.
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You’ve created a lot of tension in just a few words. I hope he makes it. (K)
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Thank you, K. Me, too. I’m also wondering what sordid task he will need to complete should he make it to the ground breathing.
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I don’t even want to think about that…
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What a setting, what a story! Great use of the line.
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Thank you so much. This has me all smiles after teaching my night class. I really appreciate the positive feedback.
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My former father-in-law was a paratrooper. He said he always hated the jump.
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It must have been the most intense experience. I don’t know if I captured the whole experience, but i hope the horror of those last few seconds came across. Thank you for connecting to my flash, VJ.
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Your words brought it all back. You’re welcome
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So much suspense in this! The line fit perfect! 👏👏
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Thank you kindly, Tricia. I tried to not let go from line one, so I’m glad you found it tense. 😊
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Yes, a nailbiter! 💯
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This is great, K. I love how you’ve included the line from Celia Dropkin. And I love the line “Occasional artillery fire lights up the darkness with false stars”.
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Thank you, worms. I read the original poem for the first time tonight, and really enjoyed the imagery, especially the raspberry thorns reaching up. It sort of lead to this idea of the grey, protective clouds.
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A great poem and use of the prompt line. It really takes us there in the tense moments before the jump into an unknown destiny! Well done.
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Thank you so much, Dwight. I’m so glad the intensity seemed real. It’s the sort of bravery that inspires me.
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I can’t imagine what must have been running through their minds!
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I like how you mix the elements, swimming in the clouds, flying though billows. A creative response that took me by surprise!
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Thank you, Jane. It took me by surprise. The idea came to me on my commute and I thought, no not that, surely, but I was happy with how it came together.
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An idea is an idea. It’s always best to try it out before discarding it 🙂
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Brilliantly done! This is such a creative take on the prompt, but one that feels so real. I felt that tension. I want to say I hope he makes it, but then–we don’t even know who he or what side he’s fighting for or what he will do if he does make it. . .
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Thank you, Merril. Yes, I thought about that and the idea this could be the enemy or the hero of our own nation. I like to think we’d feel the same, but it could really put a spin on it to know this was an ally or a foe. Thanks for the thoughtful feedback.
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You’re welcome! 😊
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Oh I think you really captured that sense of risk and the unknown. I also enjoyed the unique use of the given line, the way you broke it up….and the gray of those clouds becoming a protective place to be.
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Thank you kindly, Mish. I had this idea instantaneously, so I’m glad I went with it. Those gray clouds aren’t going anywhere around here. Have us all in a bit of a lull.
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That detail with the aftershave really made it feel even more real… and you left us hanging without a real end (I like that)
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Thank you kindly, Björn. Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed the ending. There’s just no way to bring a tale like this down gently. 😉
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This is such a great take on the prompt line and very well written 🙂
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Thank you. Your comment really put wind in my sails, and I appreciate it.
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You are so welcome 🙏
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a stunning piece, K; you’ve captured the fraught terror of the fall perfectly —
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Thank you, John. I wasn’t sure I could write this one with any integrity, so I’m glad to hear it came across realistically. 🙂
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you’ve pulled it off perfectly; I could feel the terror!
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