A while back I decided it would be good fun to write a series of shorts based on my exploits in the local grocery store. So many ridiculous things happening there, wouldn’t you agree? Well, this next piece addresses the current shortage in feminine products, so I invite you read and laugh alongside me or pass on this one at your own discretion.
Happy Wednesday!
I put on my high-waisted, big girl panties because my phone just dinged to tell me it was soon to be my time of the month, which means today I am going to have to brave the feminine product aisle at my local grocery store. Not sure how things are in your part of the world, but right now in Northern Virginia this aisle is a ghost town. Row after row of dusty shelf. Nothing left but the mockery of old sale signs. They say shipments are sparse, and female products are on the short list. Sure, cut back on Kotex. Nobody important needs those things, anyway.
On the other side of the aisle, a menstruating opponent. Daughter readies herself on the back of our basket. In the middle of the aisle, one box of viable name-brand product remains. I use my kid as a jousting stick/hook to try and scare the competition and retrieve the product first. I notice the top shelf is stocked with a variety of cups, but I firmly maintain that my vagina is still too young to start drinking heavily.
Daughter is brave. She sticks her foot out, a preteen narwhal, trying to give us the extra advantage. Both baskets start down the aisle at a brisk pace. We are playing premenstrual chicken, and I will not be the first to show weakness. My opponent’s face falls from smile to smirk to grimace as I keep my eyes locked on her bad ombre haircut (how could I look away?).
“Almost there, mama.” Daughter is encouraging. The box is almost within reach, and I think we’ve secured the win, when Ombre sends her basket shooting straight at us like a missile, and I have no choice but to veer off course. Once I’ve corrected, the box is gone and with it my one chance at decent feminine products for the month.
I give daughter a consolatory hug as we scan the shelves for anything at all that might be viable. It comes down to a choice between cardboard applicator or plastic cup. Hmm, well, they say to let your cup runneth over. So, I grab the goblet-looking device and raise it into the air. Cheers, Ombre. My first menstrual Mazel tov!
© 2022 | K.Hartless
Yard Sale of Thoughts 
Sounds like time to set your alarm earlier!
I’m guessing from the photo this is based on truth? I have no idea about women’sa products here, but it’s months since I saw a sardine! It is, gernerally, a case of stocking up when you see things.
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Yes. I try to not be that hoarder, but I think I may have to go down this aisle every week now. *sigh No sardines or sanitary napkins; it’s a cruel, cruel world.
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Have you tried pilchards?
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Nice! Those things come in super handy during backpacking trips, or any time when carrying a bunch of “feminine products” around isn’t practical. Plus they can save you a bunch of money in the long run!
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Yeah it’s tricky because every other woman wants them too.
I thought you get everything from Amazon?
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😂 dying over the double- entendres of overflowing cups.
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The whole shortage thing is very scary, K!
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It’s eerie, right? Never been a hoarder, but I get it now.
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Eerie indeed. I have a stash of food and water in my house that should last several weeks if I go slowly.
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Beautiful charming story about such a frustrating shortage – you pull us effortlessly into the scene and keep us cheering your character on & willing her to succeed. Hope there’s better luck in your next foray! ❤
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Indeed. Thank you, Tom. Huzzah. 💜
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I was thinking of mentioning 4/5 bloggers in my book promo as a special thank you for being such encouraging readers. Would you like to be included?
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I would be honored to be mentioned in your book, Tom. I can’t wait to read it. How wonderful! You are a huge encouragement to me as well. Warm and fuzzy writer feelings. Cheers to getting near the end of your project.
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Hilarious and full of clever wordplay.
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Thanks for reading and this kind comment. 😊
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it’s like the toilet paper shortage during the first covid wave; I like the puns in this; but how to explain the shortage; I’m not aware of any such shortages here but then again they’re not the sort of products I look for; strange indeed —
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That’s an awesome write, K. You have me laughing to tears. 😂 What’s the deal with the shortage on these products?
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Hmm, not sure. Maybe they all switched to toilet paper manufacturing . I don’t think it’s pandemic paranoia buying, at least I haven’t seen any stashes at any of my friends’ houses. 😂
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Jeez! That is tough. I have a drawerful I could send you. I am into chemically induced menopause. Haven’t needed anything for 11 months. Would you like a shipment? :). Not even really joking. I mean what do you do with them?
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Preteen narwahls playing menstrual chicken…. this made me laugh so much my friend!
Loved it! 😂
I hope the shortage ends soon, however. Honestly, it’s something that grinds my gears. Period products should be readily available worldwide, for free, for anyone that needs them 👍🖤
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Thank you for these comments, friend, and I agree with you. Free feminine products for all. 💜
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