I realized that strange things happen in grocery stores and that these silly stories might well bring joy to others, and so I think from time to time, I’ll pen a Grocery Store Diary satire piece all in good fun, in the hopes that somewhere out there it sparks a smile.
Happy Wednesday!
A Bold Product
Ever since the pandemic, I’ve been frightened of strangers. Especially those friendly ones that stand too close in the supermarket, the men in flip-flops that strike up a conversation while I’m ordering huge quantities of lunch meat as if the logic is to be standing there, I must like meat and maybe I’ll want to try his.
And the conversation is tangy, mustard that sat out at a sunny bbq all day. Musty movements all wrong right from the start as Flip-flops goes on and on about the beauty of the beaches in Malibu, the uniqueness of its tiny grains of sand, as if the invitation is now, if you try my meat, I might someday take you to a beach in Malibu.
So, I use my secret weapon, I mention my kids. The blue pools of his eyes freeze over. He starts backstroking out of the conversation. Talks about relatives that live in a cliffside mansion in Malibu and how even though they’re rich and have no children, they are so cold towards charities, which I’m guessing means I might still be able to go on vacation in Malibu if we stay with his tight-fisted family members, and I don’t bring up my kids ever, ever again.
The lunch lady interrupts by clearing her throat. “This alright?” She holds up a thin slice of ham.
“Yes, perfect. Thank you.”
“You try?” She dangles the meet back and forth. It ripples pink, opalescent from top to bottom like the inside of an oyster.
And to be polite, I am now nibbling Boars Head Honey Ham in front of flip flops who grins as if he is imagining me sampling his own meat.
The lady behind the counter has a smile wider than the zip-lock bag she hands to me.
“Have a good week.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you next Sunday.” Flip-flops doesn’t say goodbye. He’s gotten his fix. He points through the glass window at his selections, speaks in a raised voice, worried the deli counter worker won’t understand him, and cut him the Black Forst Ham instead of the Tavern variety, but she understands him all too well.
Despite the Sunday rush, she is efficient, and I wonder what she would make of the other meat offered today if I asked her for it thinly sliced?
Yard Sale of Thoughts 
Creative divine intervention!
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Yes, indeed.
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He was thinking of a different definition of a Meat Market, K.
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Indeed. 🤣🤣
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Loving the scenery in this piece!
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Thank you. It’s a place o spend a lot of time, so I thought why not start writing about it? 😂😂
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lovely scene setting! I can picture flip flops perfectly. 😀
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Thank you. Yes, he was more flop than flip, this one. 😂
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LOL!
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I love the rich word play here and the humor 🙂
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Thank you, John. I figure the grocery store is ‘ripe’with humorous activity and it’s a missed opportunity to ‘produce’ some humorous vignettes. 😂😂
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it’s like a bar, like the bar in ‘Cheers’: a rich tapestry of characters, 🙂
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Indeed. I was thinking of the seafood counter man next, oh we’ve had many moments the two of us.
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I enjoyed this. Looking forward to the next Grocery Store Diary installment!
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Very immersive story here – good that you found the funny side of an awkward encounter. 🙂
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The counter was definitely awkard that day, my friend. Thank you. 😂
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Great write K! I used to loathe being hit on by those guys, fortunately, the older I get, the less I have to worry about that! 😂
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Thank you, Tiff. Yes, I’m feeling that as well. It’s nice and feels freeing in a way. I’m so much more confident and content with myself now, it’s incredible.
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Great flash fiction! 🙂
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Thank you. These escapades of everyday are never ending. I enjoyed letting my silly side shine through.
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